Dateline: Belgium
by Peter W. Guerin
Summary: A report on the bombing of the Smurfs village as inspired by the recent UNICEF commercial.


**Dateline: Belgium**

**A _Smurfs _Fan Fiction Story**

**by**

**Peter W. Guerin**

**With apologies to Peyo.**

**Author's Disclaimer**

None of this ever happened. This story is entirely a work of fiction. This story was inspired by the recent UNICEF commercial featuring the Smurfs that aired on Belgian television.

All _Smurfs_ characters are (c) 1958, 2005 I. M. P. S. All rights reserved.

All other characters are copyrighted by their respective creators, copyright holders and production companies.

**Smurf Village Destroyed by Bombing**

**Baby Smurf lone survivor of deadly attack**

**Suspicions initially cast on archenemy Gargamel**

_Combined News Wire Services_

Somewhere in the Belgian Forest-The world of animation-indeed the world at large-was stunned today when aggressors unknown attacked and destroyed the Smurf Village by carpet bombing, leaving only a crying Baby Smurf as a survivor.

The surprise attack came around 9:30 AM local time (3:30 PM ET) when bombs suddenly fell out of the sky while the Smurfs were dancing around a bonfire and singing songs. Virtually all of the mushrooms houses the Smurfs live in were destroyed in the resulting fire with many of them trapped beneath the rubble. Some were running around on fire. The body of Smurfette-the lone female Smurf-was found near a wailing Baby Smurf.

"The carnage here is just indescribable," WOOHP (World Organization of Human Protection) Agent Samantha "Sam" Simpson said. Simpson along with Agents Alexandra "Alex" Vasquez and Clover Ewing were among the first at the scene; WOOHP Director Gerald "Jerry" Lewis was so concerned about what was going on he used the WOOHP Tunnels to immediately whisk the agents to the scene, but to no avail. Simpson pauses as she uncharacteristically cried at the carnage that surrounded her.

**Videotape Only Proof of Attack**

Apparently one of the Smurfs videotaped the whole attack as it happened. The tape starts with the Smurfs dancing around the bonfire when a whistling sound is suddenly heard. The camera pans up to the sky, where bombs are suddenly spotted. The next shot is that of the bombs exploding, killing Papa Smurf and several others before the cameraman ran off for shelter. Scenes of explosions, Smurfs falling dead and others carnage can be seen on the tape, which ends with Baby Smurf crying in a crater, surrounded by dead Smurfs.

The tape had been recovered-miraculously intact-by Vasquez, who immediately vomited upon seeing the footage.

**Long-time Archenemy Initially Suspected**

Suspicions immediately turned to Gargamel, an evil wizard who's been the sworn archenemy of the Smurfs for decades. Upon confronting him and his cat Azreal at Gargamel's house in another part of the forest, Simpson, Vasquez and Ewing tried to extract a confession from him, but to no avail.

"They're trying to railroad me," Gargamel bellowed upon being apprehended by plainclothes WOOHP agents. The Belgian government immediately filed a protest against the American government, citing that they weren't informed about WOOHP's activities and that it violated extradition treaties.

**World-wide Reaction Mixed**

Madame Foster, the founder and owner of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, immediately offered to adopt Baby Smurf.

"My grandmother and I want to provide him with a nice, safe, loving environment," Frances "Frankie" Foster-Madame Foster's granddaughter-said in a prepared statement. "We're hoping that our extended family of imaginary friends can give Baby Smurf the solace and comfort that he needs right now."

At the White House, President Bush denounced the attack and stated that troops would soon be sent to the area in order to prevent further attacks. Apparently shortly after the attack, insurgents of the Dutch-speaking Flemish and French-speaking Walloon communities swept into the area, claiming the bombed-out village for their respective linguistic communities.

"We have credible evidence that al-Queda is behind the attacks," President Bush said. "We will soon be pursuing a resolution with the UN Security Council authorizing us to occupy the Smurf Village and stop any attacks by insurgents."

When an Associated Press reporter stated that there was no evidence linking al-Queda with the attack, Vice President Cheney yelled "Who the f--- asked you?"

Russia and China both said they would use their veto power to block any UN resolution sending American troops to the Smurf Village. President Bush vowed that he'd assemble a "coalition of the willing" that would go ahead and occupy the area.

French President Jacques Chirac immediately denounced Bush's statement as "arrogant grandstanding" and warned that the EU would not stand idly by while the US once again took unilateral action. Chirac also hinted that France would use its veto power at the Security Council to block any attacks.

Surprisingly, shortly after the attack, the Arab news channel Al-Jazeera released a tape in which al-Queda leader Osama bin Laden denied any responsibility for the attack. Similar denials were issued by Hamas, Islamic Jihad, the Taliban, the IRA, ETA (the Basque separatist group in Spain) and the FALN, which advocates independence for Puerto Rico.

Belgian King Albert II has called for a week-long national period of mourning.

The rest of the world of animation reacted in different ways.

At the Justice League's Metro Tower, team leader Superman vowed that they would extend the fullest co-operation to the investigation.

"As the last son of Krypton, I share in the grief everyone is feeling now in regard to the attack on the Smurfs," the Man of Steel said. "I promise that the Justice League will use all their resources at their disposal to bring to justice those who have perpetrated this outrage."

In Townsville, the Mayor there struggled to issue a statement on his own, but failed in his usual manner.

"What am I supposed to be talking about," the Mayor asked as his secretary, Sarah Bellum, slapped her hand to her forehead in exasperation.

More forthcoming was Prof. Utonium, the creator of the Powerpuff Girls, who said that he and the team were reviewing all options before they'd take any action.

"Right now," Utonium said, "we think we might have a lead about MoJoJoJo committing this act of wanton destruction. We just want to make sure we've got our man before we act."

Samurai Jack, spotted wandering around a forest somewhere in Canada, said that he would not rest until those responsible have been defeated.

"Bushido-the code of honor all samurai must adhere to-demands nothing less," Jack said while on the run from agents of Aku. "I will not rest until the Smurfs are avenged."

In Orchid Bay, Juniper Lee-the Te Xuan Ze or "Sworn Protector of Humanity"-refused comment, but her brother Ray-Ray had this to say about the whole affair:

"Man, I saw the whole thing go down! Bombs falling down everywhere! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! Dead Smurfs everywhere! It was waaaaay cool, man!"

Juniper Lee immediately smacked her brother upside his head.

In Nowhere, cranky farmer Eustace Baggs had this to say:

"Stupid Smurfs! They were always annoying! Now we don't want any so get out of here, stupid reporter!"

At the treehouse headquarters of Sector B of the Kids Next Door, Sector Leader Nigel Uno, alias Numbuh One, released a short, terse statement:

"We here at the Kids Next Door share in the worldwide grief over this travesty. We promise that every operative will investigate this case and will see to it that the evil adults behind this attack are brought to justice."

Contacted at his Manhattan office, Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, said he was shocked by what had happened.

"What is this world coming to when even innocent, blue-skinned beings are indiscriminately attacked," Birdman said. "This is an outrage!"

Birdman refused comment on a pending lawsuit filed by Carter Hall, alias Hawkman, citing copyright infringement.

At the Titans Tower, Teen Titans leader Robin said that his team would lend their help in any investigations concerning this incident.

"Man, this bites," fellow Titan Beast Boy said. "Who would want to attack the Smurfs? That's so bogus!"

"It happened; get over it," said Raven in her usual deadpan, monotone manner that has won her the nickname "the Daria Morgendorffer of the Superhero Set".

In Springfield, Homer Simpson said he was planning on holding a garage sale in which he'd sell all his Smurfs merchandise.

"I figured since they're all wiped out, the collector value will go through the roof," Simpson said. However, upon reaching his garage, he found out that his oldest son Bart had already sold the Smurfs merchandise and was using the money to get every back issue of Radioactive Man. Homer was last seen chasing Bart down the street, screaming "Why you little--!"

At the Griffin residence, Peter Griffin was entirely clueless about the whole affair, but his youngest son Stewie seemed a bit upset.

"Oh, s---," Stewie said. "I wanted to kill those annoying Smurfs myself!"

In Alren, Texas, local propane dealer Hank Hill said he had only heard about the incident just then. His friend, who only identified himself as Dale, said he thought it was a conspiracy.

"Today, they bomb the Smurfs; tomorrow they'll go after those Snorks with depth charges," Dale stated. "It's all part of a UN plot!"

In nearby Highland, Beavis and Butt-Head did their usual hideous laughter when they saw the video, with Beavis shouting "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

In South Park, Colorado, Eric Cartman said that it was no big loss about the Smurfs being killed.

"Screw this interview! I'm going home," Cartman said as he walked away from reporters.

A local elementary school cafeteria cook known only as Chef said that he thought the incident was "just tragic" and that he was "at a loss for words".

In Lawndale, attorney Helen Morgendorffer said she plans to organize legal action that would be taken in the World Court in The Hague, the Netherlands, as soon as those responsible are caught.

"If Eric doesn't make me a partner after this, I'll quit," Morgendorffer added.

Oldest daughter Daria-who was home for the weekend from Raft University-refused to comment and in fact threatened to rip out the tongues of the reporters if they kept hanging around her "like a pack of vultures".

The legendary cartoon rock band Josie and the Pussycats are organizing a charity concert to raise money for Foster's efforts to adopt Baby Smurf. Lead singer Josie McCoy hopes to enlist the help of Mystik Spiral, the Brady Kids, the Partridge Family and Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

More on this as it develops.

The End

This has been an Exclusive Creation of

Mark Ø Fan Fiction, Unlimited!

"Home of the World's Weirdest Fan Fiction"

Home page: http/ 48647033

MSN Messenger: Peter Guerin

AOL Instant Messenger: petergerin

Yahoo! Instant Messenger: dickmarino

Official chat room #markzero located at chat client available at http/ Clang! Ouch! I hit myself with the !#$& hammer!

Mark Ø Fan Fiction remembers those who were lost on September 11, 2001. God bless America.

Buy War Bonds at your financial institution.


End file.
